My husband and I were married in June 1995 and began attending The Crossing Church in the fall of 1995. We brought into the marriage two children each - his 13 and 11 and mine 7 and 9. We have endured a great deal of difficulty in trying to blend two families. After many years of trials and tribulations, in the summer of 2007, we separated for 3 months and were considering divorce. We decided to give our marriage one more chance to make it work. In February of 2008 we decided to recommit our lives to the Lord and started regularly attending church again. While we had renewed our commitment before, this time it was different. We learned how to ask for God’s help and learned that humility isn’t saying “I’m nothing, but remembering that we’re not everything”. We cried out for God’s mercy and grace and asked him to forgive and save us. We turned our entire marriage and life over to God at that time. We started the road to healing and learned forgiveness, not only from each other, but from ourselves.

We just have to say that God is so AMAZING!! God has provided for us in countless ways: Our marriage is the healthiest than it has ever been. We pray together, we worship together, but more importantly, we make God first and foremost in our life and in our marriage.

Our blended family is so amazingly close and God has healed the hurts and resentments between them because of our actions. Our children love one another as brothers and sisters and are slowly coming to church and learning about Christ and seeing through us, what it looks like when you let Christ be the center of your life.

So we now not only believe, but we know that all things are possible through Christ! As Christians, our perspectives on life’s trials and suffering have changed. We know that God has a plan for everything, even pain and sorrow. We know that God does not cause pain and sorrow but, he will take, even the most awful situations, and use them to point to something good. We give all that we are to the glory of God’s amazing grace. We are living proof that if you put your trust and faith in God, anything is possible!!

Doc No. 1068866

In 2001, I found myself far away from the Lord, pregnant, unmarried and only 21 years old. Having grown up in church my whole life, I was terribly ashamed and did not want to even enter a church building. When my daughter was 2 years old, I started to feel guilty that she was not going to church. I picked a large church where I could hopefully just blend in and not get noticed. The Lord used this as an opportunity to begin to heal me and to break through my hardened heart, my pain and my shame.

Through worship, Godly teaching, and later a single mom's group, I quickly began a path to restoration of my relationship with Jesus Christ. There is still pain in my life. There are still difficulties that I face because I was a single mom. But I have hope and faith that the Lord is working all of these things for His glory. He wants what is best for me and for my daughter. In His timing, He provided a Godly husband for me and an amazing step dad for my daughter. I feel so blessed every day to have this gift of a family. God is GOOD!

Doc No. 1077991

All through my growing up years, I went through a season of physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse. Not limited to the students at my school, but from my mother.

It all started when I was about 6 years old. My mother unleashed a fury of physical abuse on my brother and me. My parents divorced when I was 9 months old. After doing the best she could with no help, I guess it was too much for her to bear. This was the only way she could deal with her pain. She started with slapping and it progressed from there.
I never knew when it would happen, never knew what would set her off. There were numerous bruises that I never knew how to explain to my friends.

My mother was a teacher in the school I went to, and was not the most popular teacher there. She was very strict in her teaching ways. This turned out to be a reason for the kids at school to take their frustration towards her out on me. Everyday at school I was pushed around, picked on, and verbally abused. It did not do much for my self-esteem.
With that happening at school, and at home, I turned to alcohol at an early age. I was 14 when I started drinking. This seemed to ease the pain in my life. After a couple of years, the alchol wasn't doing it, so I started smoking pot at 16 years old. This was a pattern I would continue for many years. All through high school, my military career, and life after that was clouded with the abuse of alcohol and drugs. I did nearly every drug out there, short of sticking a needle in my arm. I don't like needles, which seems strange coming from someone with tattoos.

There is so many things to say in my story, the abuse of everything I dealt with- the pain of how my mother treated me, the pain of how I was treated in school and my first marriage that never should have happened. It was all very overwhelming. I had no place to turn. I was very far away from God. There was no place in my life for God. I didn't think He was interested in saving someone like me. There was no God in my life. If there was, how come I had to put up with all the pain I was dealing with?

At the lowest point in my life at 17 years old and alone, out on my mother's house, wanting to have something to hold onto. I was wanting the family I never had. I sat in my apartment one night, and offered my soul to the devil if I could just have a normal life. God didn't let that happen. He had another plan for me.

The chains that were holding me down were very heavy. I couldn't be happy. I was angry all of the time, never seeing the good in anything. I developed a sarcastic nature that would come out in the way I treated people and how I spoke to them. Thia affected my relationships with everyone I came in contact with.

I met my wife in 1986. That day, I knew she was the woman I was going to spend my life with. God put her in my life to rescue me from a lifetime of pain and loneliness. We have been married almost 23 years. She is my best friend. It hasn't always been easy, but it has been worth the trip. We have two wonderful sons, who I am very proud of. I would do anything to protect the gifts God has given me.
I used to wonder why God put me on this planet and what my role was. I finally realized that I am not here for me...I am here to provide a life for my boys, and make sure that they are here to do the work that God has for them to do. God will provide for us so that my boys will do His work.

Through much prayer, and soul searching, I am finally free of the things that have kept me chained down. After many years of pain I am finally released by the power of God.

I have been able to forgive my mother for all of the pain she put me through. It wasn't easy, but I was able to do it through the grace of God. He gave me this gift before she passed away, so that I could tell her that I forgave her.

All of the pain in my life is now gone. I do sometimes slip into my old ways, but am able to pull myself out of it with God's help. The devil will not take over my life anymore. I refuse to be under his control.

I have not had a drink in nearly 15 years. Haven't done any drugs for about 20 years.
My anger has been under control.

My life is going well. It isn't easy, nor is it perfect, but I am free. Free of the chains that once bound me.
There is so much more to this story. More that I can tell in this format.   MY CHAINS ARE BROKEN.

Doc No. 1122015

Growing up, I never dreamed that I would be middle-aged and single. Back then, you were married for life. In our area, divorce was practically unheard of. But now here I am – twice married and twice divorced. The first husband decided he loved someone else. The second, I kept thinking, "What is wrong with me? Why didn’t he love me anymore? Why didn’t he want me?"

Then I figured it out. There was one big thing wrong. God wasn’t in my life. I had not kept Him close to me for many years and it showed. My lifestyle was one of “flesh” and “world”. Yes, I remembered the 10 commandments and tried so hard to follow them. However, the people around me were not following them. I became ostracized. I no longer drank or smoked and didn’t do drugs. My husband wouldn’t stand up for me when I was “banned” from his best friend’s house. I made them uncomfortable. He still went there almost daily. Our marriage disintegrated, all trust was gone...

Not long after the second divorce, a friend invited me to the Crossing Church and the Journey Class. One of the discussions during the Salvation lesson brought up receiving Christ’s gift to us. Our discussion question asked us about what item we had the most trouble accepting – and of course, mine was forgiveness. How could God forgive me for my sin? Here I had been married twice and divorced twice. That was a sin – CAPITAL LETTER SIN. I was so fortunate to have compassionate and caring people at my table. They helped me through what I saw as sin to realization that God knew it all along. I’d go through these seasons and I’d return to Him. He put these people in my life at just the right time to help me through my pain and heartbreak. And I found that I had much, much more to learn.

It’s amazing what a Life Application Study Bible and a Life Journal can do to introduce you to yourself. Each day while reading the daily passages, I find out more and more about my Father, my Savior, and about myself. So many times, I found that I would think – how could this be written way back then – it is about me now!!! I never knew what it was like to know me. I was always someone’s daughter, sister, or wife. Now I am me – a Child of God. I am accepted for me – not because of who I am related to or married to.

Being in the Church has nurtured me. God loves me. He loves ME!! I am not perfect and I never will be – not here on this earth. That’s ok. God still loves me. God accepts me for who I am. He knows my quirks. He knows my hurts. He knows my joy. He knows my love for Him. And I know one day, God will put the right person in my life. I just need to follow Him and trust Him.

Doc. No.  129126

From an early age, somewhere around the age of 7, I knew what it felt like to be let down by the people closest to me in my life. My dad left us and my mother was left to raise me and my older brother- who later became abusive towards us. When my mom was angry and frustrated, she resorted to emotionally abandoning behavior. Her bitterness and emptiness was a benchmark for me…I believed I was destined to live a life exactly like hers, filled with disappointment, grief, loneliness and isolation. No one ever came to my rescue. I would sit for hours staring at the sky- particularly the moon; wondering if I followed it far away, would my life ever be different.

I fell into a life filled with numbing substances. Alcohol and drugs, allowed me to be the person I wanted to be. The popularity, the friendships and the good times that came from its usage became an entire addiction within itself!
Feelings of inferiority, insecurity, guilt, condemnation and inadequacy were the ingredients in this walking recipe for disaster! During the beginning of my second year of college I became pregnant with my son. All the drugs, the alcohol, the parties had to come to an abrupt end! Little did I know even at the time, God was with me.

By my late 20’s I was divorced from my son’s father, dabbling in the world’s advice to help me seek direction and guidance. At age 29, I married my second husband, a good friend but the relationship was more of a convenience than a God-filled, ordained marriage. He was a man of faith and I began attending church. I professed my sins to Christ and became ‘saved’…at least I thought I was…I thought that I knew of God’s love, but there was still something desperately lacking. By November of 2000, alcohol, adultery and rage replaced my marriage. After two failed marriages and a longstanding appointment with emptiness and a need to escape, I moved across the state.

On April 7th, 2001, a devastating auto accident changed my life forever. Among broken bones, my soul was just as broken.. I cried out to God, Why did He place me here? Why did He force this fiercely strong and financially secure woman to a place of utter helplessness and disability? He revealed to me that I needed to stop relying on my ways of the past and trust in Him. ..But I still didn’t connect…instead I prayed and prayed for God to make me disappear and replace me with one of those “perfect” Christian women that I saw years prior….all the prayer in the world didn’t make that happen…

I buried myself for the next five years in the quest for perfection, the perfect job, the perfect home, the perfect man and the perfect lifestyle.

By the fall of 2006, my world crashed again, I lost my job. I was losing my home. A three and a half year relationship ended as well. ...I was devastated, but I remembered this feeling very well. I looked up into the 3am sky, staring at the moon again. I remembered what I used to wonder when I was younger. Here I was, far away from home and still, no one was there to rescue me, no one there to protect me and no one there to comfort me…or was there? I was facing the desert of my life and all the things I used to fill my void were not working!! I fell to my knees and cried out to God asking Him again that same familiar question, "Why?"
I also asked God to guide me…..and most importantly, I asked Him to forgive me…
It took almost an entire year of useless pride and repeated backsliding to bring me into the doors of the Crossing! I knew that what I searched for was Truth.

From there I ran after the Lord! I attend service every week. I immediately joined a Life Group-just in time as they were beginning the Truth Project. I began serving. I joined The Journey class. I attended Celebrate Recovery….and most importantly; I began devoting my time to the Bible. I embraced the fact that God pulled me through the darkness of my past, amid the hostility, the abuse, the distance, the failures, the condemnation, the judgment, the betrayal, the self-indulgence, the shame..all the times of isolation and emptiness. God was always there! He was refining me through the flames of the worldly desires …leading me to here…to today..
I remember when I was jaded over the thought of ever finding a man that would not betray me, lie to me, abuse me, belittle me or make me feel like I was a mistake. I would joke and say that I would be heap of bones before I would find the perfect man! Well, guess what? I did find the perfect man-Jesus! And I am not a heap of bones at all! He was betrayed, lied to, abused, belittled and ridiculed, just like me. Finally, a man that understands my suffering!
I remember when I used to shudder at the site of a loving couple or hear of someone saying that they were newly engaged. I remember saying that it was a waste of time to marry, relinquishing my freedom to someone else….exposing myself to someone else…..why allow someone to get that close again? Not until I heard God’s truth about the sanctity of marriage, the holy order of marriage-allowing God to be the center of it, did I regain any hope! I learned that God’s deliverance from all the ties that bind me give me the freedom no matter what man is in my life- that through the blood of the Lamb did I regain my right to be free! That as long as I trusted Him to protect me, I will press into Him for guidance! I did not move into a state of envy when it came to hearing of love, I was already renewed in hope!

In Romans 12:2, part of it states, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind….”

I embraced my singlehood, rededicating the renewal of my heart as well as my mind with patience! I pampered my soul by fervent and sincere prayer. I pampered my body with simple comforts like bubble baths, eating right, and rest! I pampered my mind with Bible study, positive, open and loving talk with trusted and Godly friends. I also revamped my reading material. I no longer read secular books that give bad advice based on self-indulgent and sinful behavior. I no longer entertain movies that magnify violence or things of darkness- absent of morality or goodness. I listen to music that focuses on expressions of love and praise! Lastly, I pampered my emotions by engaging the Holy Spirit when I respond to the trials of the world. I seek peace and understanding through Him. In all these things, I still seek God.

My needs have been fulfilled and transformed into my attributes. Because I was broken, God healed me. Because I was lonely, God has me living in fellowship with other believers and stands by my side! Because I was shamed and judged, God has given me acceptance and unconditional love. Because I was so wrong, God has made me right-standing in His eyes- righteous and holy! Because I was lonely and afraid, God has given me safety and security in His arms! Because I felt invisible and a ‘mistake”, God made me significant to Him and to His Kingdom!
I have spent a great deal of my life wondering who and what I am. Much of my stress and frustration could have been avoided by understanding that my identity can only be found in a personal relationship with God and as it is defined by Christ alone. Knowing whose I am has brought me peace, strength, clarity, power of conviction, acceptance and mostly the comfort I have been searching for during the past 35 years! I know that I am a righteous saint in His eyes, a forgiven co-heir with Christ, a sanctified and freed captive- no longer bound by oppressive lies of the enemy or memories and shame of my past! I am whole and I am redeemed in Him!

Doc. No. 1130467

I grew up in a small, middle class neighborhood in St. Petersburg, Florida. I am the youngest of four - two older sisters, my brother, then me. I don’t recall much of us as a family unit…my memories are vague with the exception of my first vivid memory of my father coming into mine & my brother’s room. He sat on my bed and looked at the two of us and told us that he and mom were getting a divorce. I don’t know all of the events that led up to this, but what I do know is that was one of only two times in my life I can recall seeing tears in my dad’s eyes.

Weekend visits with mom were blurry and short. Until one visit not to long thereafter, there was a stranger in the picture…a man…someone none of us knew, but all of the sudden he became mom’s husband.  I was very confused. I was the youngest & got babied, but not nurtured in a way that a child needs. I was not taught proper affection, what love was or wasn't, or was conveyed my significance in life. I saw the actions of mom and dad, but they were in a lot of ways empty, lacking emotion.

My stepfather (and previous elder in the church we attended at the time), changed jobs and began driving cross country. He would be gone for several days at a time. Just as life started to settle down he began to barricade himself in the bedroom when he was home. We would see him stumble out for a beer, loud country music blaring from the bedroom - Mom became distant. Trying to hide a marriage that had terribly gone wrong, she was emotionally unavailable and it wasn’t long before our stepdad turned on us kids. I remember him in a fit of anger towards us kids, raising his hand to us, then to mom as she stepped in to intervene. We left that night & life shifted again. They began the divorce and the sale of the house.

I started making some strange friendships with the deviants and older crowds, but there was no one that I fit in with, no one providing the love every child needs, no one helping me sift through the barrage of emotions combined with adolescence. I told my mom I wanted to go live with dad & back I went.Dad was an alcoholic, never a drunk, but always enough to numb the pain life had brought him. He was a hard man – quick to discipline, but little-to-no affection...no teaching, no involvement unless I was in trouble.

I began to experiment in drugs. I had no understanding about what life was about, no goals, nothing to look forward to, no direction.  I was hurting, and deep inside was looking for someone to comfort me. I was looking for love, acceptance, someone to let me know that I was important, to let me know that I mattered, and that everything was going to be all right – I didn’t have that. Like many, I sought fulfillment in the drugs and the opposite sex. I began a walk that would take me into the deepest despair I have ever known.

Life cruised on until I discovered I was pregnant. My significant other advised me that we could not have a baby and I would have to have an abortion…just shy of 15, I had an abortion. At about the age of 16, I found myself pregnant again. This time my significant other had convinced a friend’s girlfriend to lie and say I was her daughter. …another child wiped from existence. It was at this time, I really lost all self-worth and value of life.

After my father died, we moved back to Florida, and at the age of 18, I was pregnant again. It was during this time, I can say I felt a deep sense of conviction and longing to keep my baby. I didn’t feel like there was any hope at all in my situation…Yet God had his hand on my life…

God began to work on my heart opening door after door for me to receive training on computers, securing employment through a temporary agency and later landing a great job at one of the Big 3 automotive companies. Shortly thereafter, I was referred me to a church where I would encounter the greatest redeemer that ever lived..the Great I Am…

I remember walking into the church not wanting to speak to anyone, avoiding the ushers, slipping into the back row. I felt so out of place, but I knew it was right. It was like Jesus sat right next to me Sunday, after Wednesday, after Sunday, after Wednesday…each time, it was like he was saying…come up here…just a little closer. Before I knew it, I was at the alter time, after time, after time… I didn’t care who was around, what might be said, I had an appointment with the Great I Am. At the age of 21, on October 30, 1994, God revealed Himself to me in a most intimate way…He filled me with His spirit and took away all the desires for the former life. He opened my eyes to see the life I had been living for what it was and he began to change my life forever.

He picked me up and placed my feet upon solid ground. God began to part a path for me to walk on. He enabled me to stand on my own. He gave me hope…He provided person after person – both known and unknown, saved and unsaved to bridge the gaps during times of uncertainty. He so tenderly began the healing process in my life and restored my soul. God is faithful, and He is in the restoring business – He sets up the lost for success. He takes what is offensive to the eye of man, and transforms it to the glory of His name.

Although there is much more to share it is the burden of my soul to say, God is faithful…

For all who would judge and point the finger, you have become a stumbling block to the path of redemption. To those who would say, their sin is too great - He is a redeemer and you are deeply loved by the Father. His love is greater than the opinion of man and He is worthy of nothing less than our all.

To whom much is given…MUCH is required.

Doc. No. 1192138

Since 2006, I had been bound to adultery. I was in bondage and clutched by chains that had such a stronghold on my life. This bondage had grown so deep and the seed so firmly planted, it was beyond my control to break free. On 2/25/10, I cried out to my only hope, I prayed aloud,"I bring the Cross of Christ against these chains, In Jesus' name-I command the spirit of adultery to leave!" My human brokenness was an open door for Satan to devour me. On 3/11/10 it was Satan's attempt to take my life. He knew if my life ended, my life eternal would be spent in the depths of hell. On that day, life as I knew it would be changed forever. I was less than a mile from home, waiting for the green arrow. Proceeded to make my turn and was struck by another vehicle that ran the red light traveling 80 mph. I remembered no more of that day. I woke up in the hospital, unable to move. The doctor explained to me that I had three ribs broken on the right, two on the left, my sternum had been fractured, my pelvis was fractured in two places in the front and two places to the back of the sacrum, fragments of my sacrum were forced into the neural foramina which would leave me with bladder and bowel paralysis, the pelvic ring was completely detached from the pelvis, my left foot had been crushed. My vital signs severely dropped twice due to bleeding in the pelvis. I believed in the healing power of Jesus. I prayed, my family, friends and a pastor prayed over me. The doctor stated that I would not walk for six months to a year. The power of prayer was already at hand and my true Healer was at work. I spent six days in the hospital and was transferred to a rehab. I continued to pray, read God's Word and spoke the Word over my bones. Everyday my strength increased, I was out of bed before the doctor cleared me to be up and walking. I had all control over my bowel/bladder functions. The only thing that slowed me down was a pelvic external fixator that held my pelvis together. I spent seven days in the rehab and was discharged to go home. In the follow up with the doctor, I could possibly return to work in September. I had no income, did not have disability, the other driver had no insurance. I was not sure how I would pay bills and take care of my children, my faith was my hope and I was provided for everyday by God's grace, love and mercy. It's been almost four months since this accident happened. I am a miracle of God's love. I walk without pain, I'm able to ride my bike 20 miles+. My chains are gone, my life a miracle. My life belongs to God. Isaiah 6:7-8--With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for." Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,"Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

Doc. No. 1275810

During my childhood I always was taught the Way, and I had been raised in the church. When I was 18 I joined the United States Air Force, and I was out on my own for the first time. I stopped going to church all together and started living the "good life." My life had shifted from being in a loving family, to chasing women, getting drunk every night, and also chasing money. All the wrong things.

After about 3 years in, I started getting serious with a girl I had been dating for about a year. We had an ungodly relationship and for some reason I was always terrified to even think about marrying her. After about a year of dating I had received orders to go to Korea. When I was in Korea I ended up cheating on her, and left her totally devastated. After my year long tour in Korea I came to visit her, and her feelings had changed towards me. She started dating someone else and for whatever reason, I could not get over her. We would talk and she would say that part of her really missed me and that part of her wanted to get back with me but she couldn't trust me. The thought of her with someone else almost began to consume me. My work performance was dropping, interest in daily activities was gone, and I began to only be able to sleep about 4 hours a night. It almost felt like I was possessed and could not control my thoughts or emotions.

During this couple week time frame I was desperately searching for answers. Somehow I ended up talking to my co-worker(former Crossing member) about his beliefs. I told him about my background, and that I really didn't know if I believed in a God let alone Jesus anymore. Then I asked him how he knew Jesus not only existed but knew he was the Way. He said,"I just know and you can know him too by praying with me right here and now." While he was telling me this I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit come over me, but I did not pray and turned my head away in disobedience.

Later that night I really lost it. I thought that I had just turned my back on God and that I could never be forgiven again. The enemy just kept attacking my thought process and I had absolutely zero peace of mind. The lie of "you turned your back when you had the chance and now you will never get another chance," dominated my mind. Well I did not get any sleep that night and I felt like I was being tormented.

The next day when I went into work I told my boss that there was something terribly wrong. I ended up getting Baker Acted and I was brought into Memorial hospital in Tampa. I still couldn't sleep. After a day or two, I was desperate for the Lord. The only thing that came into my mind was to call my pastor from Ohio and ask him to pray with me. I got his number from my dad and called him immediately. When I asked him to pray he said,"Aaron you really need to change your life." I said, "yes, whatever it takes." Then he began to pray with me and I asked Jesus to take my life into his hands. And I will never forget what happened during. While I was praying I began to kneel because I could not stand anymore. I also began weeping. After the prayer I was literally tossed on the ground and I was shaking and screaming. I know in my heart that I was being delivered at that time. When I got up there was such a peace and love that I cannot even begin to explain and I just began proclaiming the name of Jesus. I was telling all the nurses that I was a miracle and that Jesus is Lord and that He had delivered me.

A lot has happened to me since. I have stayed in the Word and stayed praying. When I got out of the hospital I came to the Crossing and felt God's presence there and I have been coming ever since. I joined up in a Life Group which has been amazing and have met a lot of good Christian friends there. I met my best friend who happens also to be my girlfriend there! It is just amazing that the Lord has just taken me from the wrong lifestyle and the wrong girl, to walk in His ways and have the right girl in my life. God is Good and He has really blessed me!!

Doc. No. 1293134

I  grew up in an loveless home with the exception of our mother. There were times when our father would ignore me for several years in a row. Sitting at the table eating in silence. I often cried at night and still look for approval but there never will be any for me.
I'm a man with a loving wife and children. Jesus Christ is in our hearts and he works through us to find peace.
Forgive each other, do not hold grudges, and do not repeat your parents mistakes.

Doc. No. 1334137

Almost 4 years ago my life was everything that we would never wish to happen. I was homeless and sleeping in my car. I had given my kids to their father to spare them the pain of my life. I had a relationship with a man that was a crack addict. He was abusive. I was jobless, hopeless and broken. A girl I met offered me a job at a restaurant 2 days before Christmas, which I accepted.  I also reconnected with a man I had met a year prior. He offered a place to stay and we began a relationship shortly after. I worked and grew with the company. I let go of my addictions and gained custody of my children again.

Three years later I had a desperate longing to return to church. Since I work weekends, it was difficult. A girl I worked with suggested this church because it had a Saturday night service. The first service I attended was Fathers Day. For the next few weeks, my soul was so touched by the messages. I prayed to see more of Him and less of me. I wanted to give everything and have Him heal my life. (I would have never dreamed what He had in store.) I eventually got a journal and started reading the Bible. The Lord's Spirit turned in me and I felt something had to give. I could not continue to live with a man out of wedlock and live a Christian lifestyle. I prayed constantly for guidance and for His will to be done.

In the beginning of September, my fiance told me he was going to do us both a favor and leave.  I had no way to contact him. I felt my world crashing everywhere.  Two days later I realized that I had to keep going for my children. I took the kids to school,  came home and hit the floor in my kitchen, crying out to God with my face to the floor!  Completely humbled, I begged God for mercy, healing and a miracle. That day I found a new house that I could afford on my own. In conversation with the landlord,  I learned his daughters fiance had left her just two weeks before. This man was also a minister. I now had a number of people caring for me and my family. They lifted us up in prayer and gave us comfort and hope.

My first night alone in the new house was so terrifying . My kids went to their fathers for the weekend and I opened the door to boxes, cold lights, silence and fear. As I walked into the bedroom,  I jumped when I saw a frog jump out of the closet. I didn't touch it. I walked into the bathroom and jumped again because there was another frog on the shower. As freaked out as I was, I still got through the night.

The next day I went to a store to buy a bracelet for a friend at work. I looked through a basket of them and came across one that said F.R.O.G. I asked the salesperson what it meant and she said, "Fully Really On God". I asked God for a sign and He delivered! He was there to coach me,  hold me and cry with me all these nights that were so frightening and lonely. Through Him I was able to forgive my ex- boyfriend and show him the power of God's grace. Hopefully,  he will turn towards Jesus eventually. I have come to understand that no heartbreak is without purpose and the only purpose we have is for GOD. He has shown me the light and answered my prayers. He has called me out of the darkness to shine on everyone that I can.

Doc. No. 1485519

I never thought I would face divorce and be a single parent. I fought very hard to keep my family together, even during a two year separation however my spouse did not want to stay in the marriage. I have been divorced for five years and I’m raising my child to follow Christ. If there’s one thing I would like to share with anyone who has gone through divorce, it is that God is faithful. Over these years, He has led me to keep my focus on Him. I had no idea how much healing needed to take place but He is able to meet needs that no one else can meet. It has been a daily walk and daily trusting in Him. God has been faithful to meet financial and emotional needs. He has been faithful to send strong believers in my life who encourage me and pray for me. I want to encourage anyone who has not taken a step of faith in tithing to step out in faith in this area because God is faithful. I also want to encourage singles to stay within God’s boundaries and commands for sex and marriage. Stay under His covering and you will find Him so faithful. The Lord has taught me so much through this very difficult and painful time in my life. God holds all of my heart’s desires and I have hope for my future, as He promised in Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Doc. No. 1499569

I am sitting here typing, knowing that I am supposed to be dead. I am twenty years old. My mother married the man that conspired to kill my father. As a little girl I would sit with him and discuss the Bible being a believer of Christ at an early age. He would always get angry and confused that I knew how to love but he didn't, so one day he had planned to rape and kill me. But little did he know that no one can scare the Christ out of me with a steak knife even if it meant I would be murdered right on my bedroom floor.
I learned that night that if everything was lost or robbed of me, I knew I would still be standing in my faith. Needless to say the next five years until I turned nineteen consisted of suicidal ideations and attempts to end the pain that accompanied me like my own shadow or dark cloud of doom.
February 12, 2010 I had had it! I dropped out of college because I had lost my mind and was being admitted to another mental health clinic for the third time. I was going to kill myself that night in the clinic when I met a beautiful and kind man who was patient with me and convinced me to live and showed me I was worth living for. He grew up in an even more horrific childhood environment than I, understood in absolution the "cross that I carried." We soon became best friends and fell madly in love. A spiritual, psychological, emotional love that made us inseparable. He asked to marry me and told me one day that he thanked God for me every night, even up until the last night of his life when five people on drugs brutally murdered him on May 4th, 2010.
People say that if he wasn't so trusting, loving, or non-judgmental he might still be alive. If he wasn't like Jesus?
After his death, friends and family suspected and some expected me to end my life finally, and so did I. I had made funeral arrangements and a suicide pact with a dear friend of mine who was in a similar situation as me. I am alive today because the man that I was going to marry made me promise him that if anything were to happen to him (thinking he might die from his severe epilepsy disorder) that I would live to tell people about the person he was. I am also still here to tell people that if God is not real then how am I alive today to tell you about Him?

Doc. No. 1496188

I was abused by my dad, physically emotionally, and sexually, as early as I can remember. I turned to the Lord as an escape from the reality of my childhood. God spoke to me and baptized me with His Holy Spirit before I ever knew there was such a thing. I would sing to him in unknown languages and had understanding of His Word before I was a teenager. He alerted me to times of danger, and even when He could not stop the abuse He helped me to understand it was a force my dad was giving himself over to. I would tell him the way he loved me was not right, he would ask me who told me that but I just knew, because of God's spirit inside of me. As I grew I was afraid and had problems relating to others, especially boys. I felt backwards, and unattractive. I loved my dad but was very afraid of him too, and prayed for my parents to divorce then I thought the abuse would stop. At sixteen my prayers were answered my parents divorced, but the abuse didn't stop. I was so afraid of him that I could not stand up for myself. I fell away from God for a while looking for love and acceptance, and looked in all the wrong places and had three kids out of wedlock, and their father married someone else while I was carrying our daughter. I was depressed and in poverty and thinking of suicide to end my unhappiness. Then he shook me out of my self-loathing, and brought me back to Him. I was watching an evangelist on t.v. and asked Him back into my life and He turned me around. He picked me up and changed my life. He gave me a heart to forgive all the things my dad had done, gave me the strength to stand up to him and to tell him to never touch me again. And from that moment he never did try anything with me again. He also gave me a word for my dad, telling him he needed to repent or he would not live long. My dad mocked the word God have me give him and in two years my dad was gone, but before he died the Lord used me to pray with him and on his death bed he prayed with me to accept the Lord. God took someone who felt worthless and used me to forgive the person who had made me feel that way and usher him into the presence of an all-forgiving God. God gave me a heart of mercy for the abuse and the ability to see through the way things seem to be, and see the devil for who he is, and see the power of God's forgiveness and to forgive like he does. I have a lot of stories of God power and forgiveness in my life this was just one of the main ones that helped frame who He has made me.

Doc. No. 1496048

My story actually began back when I was 18 yrs old met the man of my dreams. I graduated from high school and moved in with him and his family. Shortly after moving, he signed up for the Army and asked me to marry him. He then left for boot camp. We waited until after he graduated and we made plans for our wedding. But, he soon fell into using drugs which seemed to be a problem he had throughout his life. So, with this knowledge and the fact that he was not going to stop, I left and went back home and started my life over again. Only my life was a life filled with pain and sin. I found myself doing the exact same things I left him for. Many years had passed by and I realized my behavior was not what my parents raised me to have. We always believed in Jesus Christ but never lived like it.

After about 15 yrs, my ex and I were reunited after he was even sent to prison. I loved him so I accepted him and focused on rebuilding our relationship. We married in 1999 and began attending church. Life as I knew it was perfect then, but this was short lived because he began using drugs again and stealing. I found myself trying to save him and save myself at the same time. But nothing I did, said or tried to do stopped him from falling deeper into the ugly world of drugs. He was sent back to prison shortly after we married. I cried out to the Lord and asked him to help pull me out of this ugly world I was in again. Because of my beIief in marriage, I did what I knew to be the right thing and stood by him going to prison and visited him on weekends. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. All of this seemed like a dream.

After his release, I believed that our lives would change and this ugly world I knew would no longer exist. Well to my sadness, it picked right back up. I would go to the homes where crack dealers were and I found myself barging into these homes and pulling him out of these dark places. I never quite understood how I had the strength or courage to do this but I did. All the time praying for God to help me get through this mess and most of all to get me out it. My husband and I did not live together and I could not longer be a part of that world. He was then told to get help or to leave me alone. So, on May 22nd 2002, my husband came to me and said he no longer wanted to live this kind of life and wanted to do the right thing. That day I knew he really meant it and I believed that our life would be different forever. That morning, I went to work and he went to see his probation officer to start a drug rehab program. I wanted so much to call him during the day to see how he was but we did not have a phone at the time. I was so excited to get off work that day to meet him at home to talk about our new beginning. This talk never took place as I was driving home on Bayshore Blvd. when I drove up and saw a terrible accident on the road. In this accident I saw my husbands mangled car and he was slumped over. I got out of my car fell to the ground and sobbed. I called out to God to pick me up and help me out of this. I felt as if someone had picked me up and guided me to do the things I needed to do during that time.

This time of my life allowed me to know that God is real. My life since then was still not right with the Lord as I was drinking, having sex without being married and living the ways of the world. To look back now, I thank God for not turning his back on me and for keeping me with Him even when He should have walked away. I find myself crying when attending church and when I ask myself why, but the only answer I find is that I feel the power and love God has for me! I know that I can still have Him in my life after all the shameful things I did when I knew I should have done right by the Lord. Praise God for His love, His glory and all that He is and forever will be!

Doc. No. 1508130

I grew up in a Hispanic family and my parents were very strict. My father was a dedicated provider. He came to the United States from Puerto Rico and learned the English language. He provided for not only for his immediate family but also for his extended family as well. He helped anyone who came from Puerto Rico to obtain employment and a place to live. I admired his love for people and his servant hood. However, I resented how he treated my mother. He verbally abused her and was unfaithful to her. Although my mother never said anything to anyone, I knew what was going on. As much as I resented him, I resented her all the more for allowing him to treat her in that manner. I thought that I could fix him, If I loved my father enough or if I was a good girl, then he would not cheat on my mother and treat her with respect. At the age of 14, my father left my mother for another woman and blamed me for his leaving. I had started wearing make-up and he claimed my mother was allowing me to do what I wanted. The truth was he was with another woman.

I yearned for a deeper relationship with God and I felt something was missing. I knew from a very early age that I was a part of God’s plan and longed to be a part of His plan. At the age of 19, I married a man that had a reputation of womanizing, but I saw he had a good heart and I was determined to make him see how he needed to respect women. Shortly after I was married, my husband and I started attending a small Spanish evangelical church. This was a praying church and the longing that I had to have a deeper relationship with God was fulfilled. My husband and I became very involved in the church. We attended church every night and prayed constantly.
During this time I longed to have a baby. My doctor had told me that I would probably not be able to have children because of a problem with my uterus. This was one of my first personal opportunities to see God’s miraculous working power. I read the story of Hannah and how she prayed in the temple for God to give her a child and promised to dedicate that child to God. I held on to this passage of God’s word, prayed and God blessed me with a beautiful daughter. She has taught me the joy of being a mother. What a miracle and a wonderful gift from God to allow us as women to give birth to life! Shortly after, I became pregnant again to another miracle and gift from God. My son had me on my knees praying before he was born. When I went into labor the doctors could not monitor his heart and said I was giving birth to a stilled-born child. I cried out to God for my son and he was born fine. He has battled sickness since he was born, and God has been able to save him from so many attacks on his life. At the age of nine he was struck by a car and left in a coma for five days. He emerged from the coma, unable to walk but two months later he visited church and asked for prayer, claiming God was going to make him walk. The very next day my son walked. My son has been a constant reminder to me of God’s unending power!
My husband and I divorced in 1986 because of adultery. At the time I was pregnant of my third child, which I lost. I suffered a nervous breakdown and also lost my job. The church was not in agreement with my decision for divorce and I was not allowed to participate in any ministry or in the service. Discouraged, hurt, confused and angry I stopped attending church and I turned away from God.

I began working again, moved into another apartment and was determined to begin a new life and raise my children. During the day time I worked but once they were asleep I would go out. I then began to go out to clubs in an attempt to escape the pain I felt inside. The attention I received from other men and the new friends I made was something I had never experienced so for a while it was gratifying. During this time I met a man who was very full of life. After two years, we began living together. My family was not in agreement with my living out of marriage, but I was in love and felt loved again. Although I seemingly was having a good time there was still that empty longing and the still voice telling me this was not where I belonged. However I was so angry at the way I was treated at the church, that I couldn't’t see myself going back. I sought rescue from pain and sin through my own efforts, but my efforts were in vain.

Shortly after, I found out that this new person in my life was being unfaithful and was with another woman. I decided to end the relationship, I became sick and thought it was the anxiety of the break-up but I found out that I was pregnant. This time my feelings about having a baby were not the same. Devastated by the betrayal and angry I decided I could not be a single-parent to three kids. I went to my doctor and scheduled an appointment to have an abortion. Through a series of events God kept speaking to my heart, and I could not go through with the abortion. On the day I was scheduled to have the abortion. I got dressed, went on the train, but I could not go to the doctor’s office. I went to work instead, called the church and scheduled a meeting with the pastor. I decided I could not ignore God’s voice and not have the baby. The next seven months were very difficult. I cried and prayed everyday. On January 29, 1990 I gave birth to a beautiful and vibrant baby girl.

My world was full again. I became involved in church. I was in the children’s ministry and had just joined the clown ministry. My children and I attended church almost everyday and we were all involved. I was so happy.

When my youngest daughter was almost a year old, my dad and mom both became ill and it was a difficult time for my family. I decided to donate blood for my dad and I prayed for my mom to be healed. Six months later I received a call from the New York Blood Donors Association advising me that a blood test performed on my blood was positive and I needed to come to their office. I was confused because I did not feel sick. They would not give me any information over the phone and advised me to take the day off of work and go to their office. I walked about a mile to the office and prayed all the way. I knew that Lupus was hereditary and so I tried to prepare myself for the news I was about to hear. I prayed and asked God to spare my children and my family this pain. I arrived at the office and the counselor advised me that I had tested positive for the antibodies against AIDS. I was HIV positive. My world came crashing down and the room was spinning. The counselor asked if I wanted to call someone and I immediately called my Pastor. I went directly to the church and cried for hours. I was to begin the clown ministry that weekend, which was also my son’s birthday, so I had planned a birthday party at the street meeting we were going to have. I asked my Pastor – how was I going to have a party and minister to kids, while my world was torn apart. I will never forget his response. “Though He slay me, I will still praise Him – you are going to put on your clown outfit and you are going to praise God and love your son. You do not allow the enemy to rob your joy. Even in your suffering you can still have joy. And we will do what we know to do and pray.” Those words have forever remained with me.

The doctors had told me that I would probably become sick and may die within two years. As a planner by nature, I began planning my death. I signed over my children to the sister, moved to NJ in an effort to have my children become acclimated to their new surrounding prior to my being gone. And for the next few months, cried myself to sleep every night. Then one night as I cried and prayed I realized that I could not live my life like I was dying. I needed to show my children that I would fight till the end. So I moved back to Brooklyn and continued to live my life as I was before – serving God.

I needed support, however it was very difficult to find. During this time being HIV positive was associated with drug users and homosexual lifestyle. I did not fall into either group. Desperate to seek out help during my pain, I became involved in the Twelve Step Program offered at my church. I learned that I was co dependent. We began a support group for people living with HIV/AIDS and their caregivers and spoke with teens and women about the disease and the affects of our decisions on our lives when we are out of the will of God. During the first couple of years after my news, I became active in the church speaking out about HIV disease and ministering to people with terminal diseases. I felt that God had a purpose in allowing this and He would use it to bless and comfort others. I learned that I was powerless over this disease and I could not fix this. I learned that I had to get out of God’s way and allow God do what God had to do in my life. I learned – I can’t do God’s work, and He won’t do mine. I surrendered my illness to God.

I remember praying and asking God to allow me to live until my oldest daughter – age 10 at the time would turn 18. This way she could care for the other two children. Everyday I would go before God and ask this of Him. The years passed and although I did battle illness and was sick several times, God answered my prayers. My oldest daughter turned 18, graduated from High School and began College.
The cold weather in New York did not agree with me and I was constantly sick, so I then moved to Florida in 1999 with my two younger children. I went before God once again and asked Him if He would let me live until my son, in the 9th grade at the time, graduated from High School – because my son still needed me. Everyday I would go before God and ask this of Him.
In Florida I began treatment and my illness began to take a turn for the better. My disease became undetected. God began to bless me and my family in ways that I never dreamed imaginable. I was not only able to obtain a job in Florida, but a job with my company, with my New York salary, with the same title I had in New York. Shortly after, I bought my first home. Although I had given up on the hope of having companionship, God’s plans were greater than mine. I met someone here and was married 2004. He is a wonderful man of God through whom God has been able to demonstrate to me how He loves His church. My husband loves me as God loves His bride.

In 2006 my husband and I answered God’s call to go on a mission trip to South Africa where we were able to minister to vulnerable children affected by AIDS and poverty. Once again God was using my circumstance to bring hope to others. Shortly after we said yes to going on the trip, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and autoimmune hepatitis. Two separate diseases unrelated to the HIV however all three diseases affect each other. Although the doctors where perplexed and did not quite know what would be the best solution for me, I once again called out to God. The doctors told me my liver could be damaged in 7 months. Through much prayer and many doctors – I have been able to get normal levels of my liver, normal glucose levels and my HIV remained undetected. Once again, God’s faithfulness has proven true.
In 2008, I was once again blessed with another grandson. This year I became ill once again and although my HIV has been undetected for 8 years, the virus had gone into my central nervous system and my brain and I was diagnosed with other related diseases. I was no longer able to work. It was a lot to take in at once. But once again all I knew to do was pray. My husband and I went to South Africa again.
Fearful that I would forget certain things I wanted my children to know about me, I began writing a book about how God’s faithful and brought me through many situations in life. Although they have lived it with me there were many things they did not know. I began my book.

All of the sudden I had an epiphany – I was putting God in a box and attempting to control what and how much He did in my life. Each time I went to Him in prayer I was specific and ask Him for a specific amount of time, each time God gave me more, brought through more, drew me closer to Him and blessed me beyond all my expectations, and all I could ever ask for.
I finally learned to pray as Jesus prayed, God take this cup from me – but not my will – but Your will be done.
I believe God is paving the way for greater things and the best is yet to come. I have been HIV positive for twenty one years, I have four other major illnesses however I am powerless over the afflictions that attack my body, over other people and only God’s grace and mercy and HIS power can carry me through. When I admit that I am powerless He unleashes His power – I get out of the way and God begins to work in and through my circumstance.

Doc. No. 1501939

Although I accepted Jesus as my savior early in life, I really didn’t have a relationship with my heavenly Father. Well, not a true close relationship. That Journey didn’t start until I started attending the Crossing Church. You see, even though I grew up going to church after accepting Jesus as my Savior at age 6, I never knew what a true loving relationship was all about with a person or with the Heavenly Father. I grew up believing Satan’s lies that I was not worth anything, not worth getting to know, and that I had to earn the right to be loved, or to have a friend, thinking I had nothing of value. Well, the only thing of value is the fact that I was a girl. A fact that a close family member used as he and his friends molested me. He would tell me that it would be okay that even my parents did it. He even showed me a magazine out of my parent’s room. The magazine showed naked girls and boys doing what he and his friends wanted me to do. I was so hungry for acceptance and love I agreed after all if my mom allowed dad to look at this magazine it must be ok, right? Even though I was convinced that what we had done was ok I still felt wronged. I was not accepted like he told me that I would be. This would go on for many years off and on. I would always fall for “well we are family and we are to love each other but if you don’t want to show that you love me and please me then you will be alone." Then I reached an age where I learned that it was not a “normal” family thing to do. So I blocked it out telling myself that “it didn’t happen the way I remember it”. Or I would say “it was a kid thing”. But what did linger were the lies that I believed about myself, that I was not truly deserving of love and I was not worth being around unless I earned that right. The lie was solidified by the verbal and emotional abuse I received from my parents. Oh it wasn’t all the time just when they were drinking. I remember one night very well. I was about seven years old when I was awakened by my parents fighting once again. It was different this time though. This time not only could I hear my parents yelling at each other but I could hear my mom getting dad’s pistol and dad just laughing. He told her to go ahead and kill herself and he would send me and my brother away and find someone else to be with. When I heard the gun going “click, click,” I screamed. My dad heard me scream and he asked my mom to at least tell me goodbye. She refused stating that she didn’t really love me or my brother. Dad finally convinced her that they were both drunk and needed to sleep it off. They made up but I was left with the knowledge that I was not truly loved. I had not earned that right yet. After that I rebelled into the church which my parents were more than happy to take me to church and drop me off. I think they enjoyed me being out of the house. Because I really never trusted anyone to get close to, at church I learned quickly the right words to say and the right way to act. I learned to be a poser. Finally I felt like I earned the right to be friends with someone and with God, but it wasn't real, yet. When I was eighteen years old I stopped going to church as much and when I did go it was just to get away from my house. In the years to follow I went from one addiction to another and then from one abusive relationship to another.
Finding myself in yet another abusive marriage, I gave into my friends request to attend church with her at the Crossing. Right away I knew things were going to change in my life for the better this time. I think this was the first time I truly felt the presence of God. And it really scared me at first. A few months into attending my husband and I decided to join a men’s and women’s bible study at the church. So I started going with a lifelong friend who stopped going to the class only a few weeks into it. Which left me at a table alone, yes all alone again. I convinced myself that is what I needed to be able to sort through the stress of my father being found dead in his truck just five months earlier. Then we moved into his home, which was in total disrepair, two months after he died, I was being verbally and emotional abused by my husband as I was trying to shield our two year old from all that stress. As if I could handle that all alone. During this time my husband and I talked about maybe joining a Life Group, too. So I picked up a couple of Life Group cards and looked at everyone’s picture on them. I pointed at one particular couple and told my husband that is the one I felt God wanted us to go to. I called them, but didn’t really want to get involved with something like that, not until I could get through this stress I was under. Of course I may up some “reason” why we shouldn’t start a life group now. And yes again, I listened to the lie that I had to earn the right to join in God’s family.
One night in the ladies' bible study class as I sat alone, not even listening to the message. All I could think of was the best way to kill myself and who would be there for my child after I was gone. I had made up my mind when and how to do it. After class that night, a lady approached and introduced herself as the one I called about the life group and gave me a big hug and invited me and my husband to their Life Group again. Again, never had any physical contact with a person without them wanting something in return, so even the hug made me a little uncomfortable. Something inside of me allowed me to accept it from her. I gave her some kind of brush off, but she was there in the lobby again before the service that very weekend. She hugged me again and welcomed me to the church. Part of me kind of liked that she actually noticed me in the crowd, yet I still did not trust her motives at this point. I thought she was crazy, but at the same time I was thinking that God wanted me to get to know her. My first impression was we were total opposites after all she was a hugger and I was definitely not! Still there was something about her that drew me to her. Later I would find out it was God’s love inside of her. So I said to myself I would give life one more shot. No one knew what I was going through, that was “my secret”. God told me that I would have to trust someone, sometime and my Life Group leader was the one. Yes, I even thought God was crazy at that point. Trusting anyone even God was not my thing. After attending her and her husband’s life group for about two years and too many “God winks” to share, I finally yielded to God’s gentle nudge to get to know Him – to really give Him with my whole heart and seek Him and TRUST HIM. Trust is a new concept for me. I started by telling a little bit of my story to my life group leader who has turned out to be a Godsend and totally my sister in Christ. I did not get the reaction I expected when I told her what I have done in my past and what was going on in my house at the time. She did show me love, God’s love for me, an unconditional love for me.
My trust issues just didn’t go away that night but my walls started to slowly come down. I ask her to help me pray that God would show me how to have a relationship with Him and with others and to make Him real in my life. You see I did believe in God’s word and all the good things He had promised His children but it was for other believers not me. It was not real in my life – God never showed up in my life. I was the exception to the rule. I had not earned that right yet. After, I joined the Life Group, got a journal, and a Bible. I’m not real good about reading and I didn’t really believe in prayer or the fact that prayer changes things but I gave it a go. Then I learned that it was not that I didn’t trust my friend but that I was still believing in the lies that I was not worth her time or God’s. My life started changing for the better. Although it is not always easy and I want to run back into my comfort zone in my addictions, which I did a couple of times but when I confessed to my sister in Christ and to God, I was not met with disappointment or ridicule but I was met with open arms, understanding and love. Man that still blows me away. I did not earn their love and I was not worthy to receive any type of acceptance but that is exactly what I got from her and her husband. I have never ever in my entire life experienced that kind of a friendship or that kind of unconditional love –truly it was the true love of God. And because of that experience and answered prayer I NOW can honestly stand here and tell you that I now know with my mind, body and soul that Jesus is my Lord and Savior and that I DID NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING TO EARN HIS LOVE. He gave it freely and all I need to do is accept Him and love Him for not only what He has done for me but also because of who He is.
I’ll close by saying this past month when we fasted. I didn’t think I could fast at all. I know that was just another lie from Satan trying to get me away from God. But God told me that I could fast my time. Remember me saying that I was not much of a reader, well God asked me to sit down with Him a little every day and get to know Him through His word and prayer and I did. He has really showed me my story and how He wants to heal my heart. He also gave me a verse a month before we started fasting. Then He restated it to me again during the time of fasting and then at First Wednesday in November. He gave me a vision that went with the verse. The verse was Psalms 66:10 “For you O God, tested us; you refined us like silver”. Silver is refined by placing it very carefully into a flame to draw out the impurities. The jeweler’s touch had to be precise as to just bring out the impurities and not to destroy the silver. My vision was that I started out as pure silver nice and shining and new but the more I believed and listened to Satan’s lies about myself the thicker the impurities where in me and the harder it would be to stay in the fire and trust the jewelers touch. I have seen that if I give myself over to God, my WHOLE self, and not try to take back control no matter how hard it was to do, I would once again shine with His love like the silver does after being refined and polished.
I am still on my journey but now I am not alone, I have a loving Father that I believe and feel is real for me in all His fullness and I have brothers and sisters who are walking with me in my journey as well as I am in their journey.

Doc. No. 1514167

I began the February fast doubtful since I had fasted before and have never received from the Lord through fasting. However, The Lord was very specific that I should fast chocolate which had become an idol with out me even realizing it. So with mustard seed faith, I fasted as The Lord led me to do. Throughout the fast I began receiving spiritual healing and God replaced all that had been taken from me. Deep rooted spiritual healing took place. After this healing had been given, the Lord then healed me of severe brittle asthma that had left me hospitalized 2-3 times a month on breathing machines. I have seen my team of doctors just this week and they are beyond words. My asthma is GONE in the Name of Jesus! I have been redeemed and The Lord has great plans for my life!

Doc. No. 1947251

I am a recovering alcoholic. In 1985, God drew back the curtain of denial to show me my alcoholism. I was 27 years old. I have been sober since that day by the grace of God and the support of AA. In 2003, after many years of therapy, AA meetings, retreats, prayer and obedience and acceptance of God's will for my life, I formally accepted Christ. My life is a testimony to the love of God for those who accept and try to walk with Him. It is also a testimony to the power and manipulation of the enemy in this world. In my lonely world, I would walk the 3 miles every Saturday afternoon to the Catholic Church to go to Mass. Although I wasn't raised Catholic, I was looking for something and felt comforted when I was there.

By the time I got to AA in 1985, I believed that God kept score of sins, and I thought I was so far down, I'd never catch up. Although, I had done all the "right things". I was married to a handsome and successful accountant, we had lots of money, I worked out, kept an immaculate house, and gave dinner parties. But, I was miserable. It occurred to me that my misery might have something to do with me or my childhood , so I went for therapy.

In AA, I learned that God forgives and meets you where you are. For people who are lost and broken, that is a lifesaving message. I wasn't good enough for God, I remember thinking. In AA I heard stories from people who had done far worse things than I, and God had changed their lives. I threw myself into AA. Five years down the road, my husband decided he didn't love me anymore as he liked me better when I drank. I was devastated. It was a pivotal moment for me. I had to believe that God had a better plan for my life . I chose to believe God, but it was still tough. I had a hard time praying for quite a while. But I joined a church and kept moving forward. I wanted to be a teacher. I had wanted to be a teacher since I was in 5th grade. My ex-husband didn't want to be married to a teacher. In his opinion, teachers weren't professional and didn't make any money. I was making a great deal of money working in Wall Street trading financial futures. So, going back to college to become a teacher seemed a distant dream.
When I was divorced, God made it possible for me to work for a company that paid 100% tuition reimbursement. I went to Fordham University for 6 years while working full time to earn my BS in Marketing. I was soon accepted into the Master Program at Western Connecticut for Elementary Education. God intervened in my life more times that I can tell here with miracles of people, timing, money and opportunity. Before I entered the Master's Program at Western I was offered a job as a pharmeceutical representative and I was uncertain which way to go. Teaching in Connecticut is very competitive as you need high test scores, high GPA and past attendance in a prestigious college. The road ahead was long and I knew I had to keep going.

I taught two years in the South Bronx, and then got a job in Southbury CT. So, I went from Harlem to Harvard. (Another intervention from God.) However, I was dating someone that wasn't a Christian and trying to change him. I ran out on a wedding and ended up here in Hillsborough County. I've been here 6 years. When I got here, I went looking for a church until I finally found The Crossing.

In AA we also say that you are "exactly where you are supposed to be and bloom where you are planted". Let me tell you that I never thought I would leave teaching or even think about leaving, but I have sure thought about it here in Florida. However, I don't think that's what God wants me to do. I have a huge influence on the students in my room. I do believe today that my purpose is to help to bless this community that so badly needs it. I have a purpose for living every day beyond my own self-centered wants. I am educated and saved and this has everything to do with God's Grace in my life! He has been my parent, my friend, my husband and my savior.

Doc No. 2934632

I grew up in foster care from the time that I was 5. I lived with my father from age 8 - 9. He molested me so I went back to my aunt's. She beat me, so I went to foster care. From the age of 12 on I was a nasty person. I did drugs, sold myself for drugs, got into fights, ran away, and cussed God for it all. I didn't understand that it was my fault. When I turned 17 I really opened my eyes. I realized that I needed to turn my life around. But, I still wasn't ready, I tried and tried but fell back into my old habits. Right before I turned 18 I started dating a guy who got me back on the drugs after having been clean for a while. I was with him for a year. I just recently left him a month ago. And I am thrilled to say that I can now focus my time on God. I am so thankful for what the Lord has brought me and what He has taken away.

Doc No. 3003116